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1. Expect agitation for 2-3 weeks. You might ask your elder’s doctor for a light prescription for Ripserdal, Haldol, or Seroquel and use it for a few weeks (in a VERY light dose) BEFORE the placement. The patient may be confused, but not upset and agitated.
2. Do not necessarily avoid visiting for two weeks, even though the facilities suggest this. Follow a formula something like the following:

1. Expect the person to be agitated and angry, but stop beating yourself about it. You did what had to be done. Your loved one needs to grieve. To expect happiness is unrealistic.
2. Plan a BRIEF visit. 10-15 minutes will be enough for you to know your loved one is well-cared for and to give them reassurance. A 3-hour visit is going to cause agitation. If the loved one demands to be taken home, DON'T try to explain. Look at your watch and say, "I have to go now." It will break your heart, but will minimize the behavior after a few times. Many patients start the "take me home" stuff after a 30 minute visit when they get tired. Take it as an indication that it is time to go.
3. Take something to do. Do their nails, have a snack, listen to a new piece of music or share an activity. Once you are done, it is time to go. Have the staff divert your loved one to an activity such as a meal.
4. Call before you come so you know what kind of day your loved one is having. If you know they are agitated and having a bad day and if you can't face it without becoming upset, don't go when they are agitated . . . or go later.
5. Talk with the staff. Smile. Find the staff doing something right and complement at least one on each visit. There is nothing worse than the family who comes in with their microscope looking for flaws. They will become apparent soon enough -- we are talking working with demented adults here.
6. Know that the facility and staff have no magic for dealing with behavior problems. If it was difficult to manage at home, it will be worse in the care facility -- especially with 7+ other people who are also demented.
7. Before you leave, talk with an administrative staff member to see how things are going and what you (as a team) can do to improve care throughout the adjustment.
8. I can not stress this too much: select an activity-based program! And, if your loved one is not a socializer, make sure the staff knows to let him have some time to himself daily and introduce him slowly to the group.
9. Last, do not let the adjustment period dissuade you from the placement. It most likely will work out.